Oh, the idiosyncracies of which I suffer.

I have this almost unfailing tendency to forget how far I have progressed. I temporarily lose the years, months, or weeks I have spent studying an art, molding it to my own fancies, and how I made it my own. I forget what it felt like to create - to make something from nothing.


And I try to compare myself to people who I have no right comparing myself to: people who have years of experience on me, years of practice, and even more so: much more time on their hands to practice than I.
It's easy to lose yourself to thoughts of your own shortcomings. This I can attest to with strong confidence. But to be able to be proud of who you are, of what you have accomplished... to be proud of what you have learned... that is a feat in itself.

I've struggled with this for many, many years. I forget the innumerable years I have spent tailoring my writing ability, perfecting it, coaxing it, loving it, until I reached the point where I was proud to say, "This is my story. Won't you read it?" But today, when time gets in the way and priorities are rearranged, I forget how proud I once was of the writer I had become, and it's more like this... "This is my story... but it's not really finished yet... I'm no Jane Austen... you can read it if you really want to...." And so on, and so forth.


Then began photography. I say "began" not really in this sense of a beginning, but more in the sense of a "do-over," or a new appreciation for something I'd already had an interest in. Now I'm taking photography classes, I'm investing in better equipment... I'm trying to make photography my own, just like I did with my writing. But every other photographer's pictures look much better, more pristine, more professional, more creative, more breathtaking, more... everything.


I need to remember that I'm still learning, and will be for years to come. I'm not an expert, and my pictures will blossom with time. Perhaps if I can remember that, it will be easier for me to be patient on my long road of discovery. I just hope the road is pretty, and I better get some damn good pictures.